[publishing this chapter on my Birthday, your girl is finally 16!]
from the tape recording jeongguk sent
seoul gangnam-gu
5 30-gil, hakdong-ro
floor yangjin plaza 5f
south korea
november 28th, 2017
ATTEMPT #1
[background whirring noises]
[jeongguk clears his throat]
i uh...
it's me, jeon jeongguk
[exhales deeply]
ahhhh how do i do this
[sounds of ruffling]
jakkaman (hold on), let's start again
ATTEMPT #2
[distant muttering]
it's my first time trying a tape recorder
[nervous laughing]
uh
yeah
urm...
it's me, jeon jeongguk
your little busan baby
[chuckling]
1st of september, 1997
so i guess
i'm not really a baby now, am i?
gwaenchana (it's okay),
seokjin hyung will flip something if i say i'm a man now
i'll always be hyung's baby
[background whirring noises]
so uh
how do i start this
[humming]
let's just say that this
will be last time you'll be able
to hear my voice
i'm truthfully sorry that
i couldn't be there personally
to say my goodbyes
because i'm sure
this is the complete opposite
of a proper goodbye
but i'm not sure if i can ever bring myself
to say it in front of you
you didn't deserve seeing me in turmoil
you didn't deserve to be affected
by my negativity
it hurt me even more
knowing what i put you all through;
the pain
the tears
the hesitations
the way you looked at me
afraid, helpless, hopeless
the way i stared back into your eyes
defeated
hyung
i'm sorry that i keep hiding
my secrets away
at some point
even i thought that by keeping it to myself
it would bury itself and disappear
but it could never go away
no matter how much i prayed for it to
i'm a newly aged 20
a legal adult! [chuckling]
facing leukemia
something i never imagined having
even as a kid
but namjoon hyung
you once told me
that everything happens for a reason, right?
maybe this pain is temporary
maybe this
heavy weight on my shoulders
is a sign that there might be
better things
waiting for me on the other side
i've done everything you said, hyung
i took your advices
learned to be free
to be happy
thank you
seokjin hyung
you're always too worried
sometimes i think that you'd get
an extreme high blood pressure
because you keep dealing with all
6 of us everyday
[chuckling]
please stop
i hate seeing hyung worried
and every time
i wished there was something i could do
to lighten your burdens
even if it was just for a bit
i would really miss your jokes
though they may be the worst
i still think you're south korea's
best comedian
best mc
best singer
best mother
best hyung
YOU ARE READING
𝐀𝐋𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄 ‣ jjk
Fanfiction"But if that accident is inevitable," I murmur, eyes softening. "Would you want me to let go?" Jeongguk pauses for a moment. "Leave the guilt and regret to me," he replies softly. "Once you start a journey, you finish it. It's only right for you to...
