𝐀𝐋𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄 ‣ jjk

七十七 ; the scariest part ⁂

day 22
9.05 pm
lee haru
note form

the scariest part is letting go

his words ring in my head like echoes in a hollow room, bouncing against the walls of my skull, amplifying louder and louder with every throb. my body goes numb, and all of a sudden my entire world is black and white.

"so please, please, if there is a part of me that resides in your heart, i want you to forget me and move on."

his eyes are piercing into mine, as if waiting for some kind of reaction. waiting for me to scream and cry. but all i do is stare at him back in disbelief, my parted lips trembling.

"w-what do you want me to do?" i clench my hands into fists, nails digging against my palm and forming crescent marks. i can almost feel the sting in my skin.

"i want you to let go," jeongguk repeats, his gaze unchanging.

i let out a huff of air, biting on my bottom lip. "why, after everything we've been through, do you think i can possibly do that?"

jeongguk licks his bottom lip, slowly taking my hand in his. "because you said you love me," he caresses the back of my hand gently, his voice equally soothing. "and because you're brave, and you're strong. i've seen enough to know that you can get well without me."

"i'm not always strong," i say, breath hitching, and jeongguk forces a pained smile on his face.

"i know," he replies. "but can you do it for me?"

his eyes are clouded with tears, and he's shaking but he can't move.

"no," i finally answer. "i can't do that."

"haru please—"

"you're a fool, jeon jeongguk. you can't give these feelings to me and just leave. take responsibility for your actions," i yank my hand out of his grasp and throw a hit not hard enough to hurt onto his chest. "you can't just leave me like this, you can't, you can't and i won't let you."

his hands are on my shoulders, grasping me to keep me still. his lips are trying to shush me down, but the tears keep rolling down my face endlessly. "go ahead," he whispers. "hit me, hurt me, crush me, you have every right to do so."

i shove him back, stubbonly shaking my head. "how can you be so selfish?"

"it's inevitable. i can't control anything."

"just because of that stupid... illness, you're already giving up without a fight?"

"who said i wasn't fighting?" jeongguk breathes. "you have no idea how hard i fought to get this far. hell, you were the only thing keeping me going and i—i'm only going to bring you down."

The air around us is cold, and i don't feel his warmth anymore. the chill bites deep into my skin, sending shivers up and down my body but i refuse to let it show. if jeongguk was going to act tough, then i might as well do the same. maybe, just maybe, in that way i can get him to change his mind.

i shift my eyes away from his with a frustrated scoff, blinking my tears away. "why would you bring me down when you are the only thing that's keeping me going?"