Can't Handle Physical Touch
My entire life I have not been able to handle physical touch in even the slightest manner. In 2022 under the suggestion from my counselor I scheduled an appointment with a masseuse in the hope that being exposed to touch that had no intention to inflict in would help me cope. So I went downtown to her office and she started a regular massage with a back rub which I was comfortable with, but one of the most noteworthy occurrences during this massage was that after she worked on my back she went to my legs and as soon as she touched my left leg it immediately under no control of mine, recoiled.. So she stopped for a second and just lightly with a fist, bumped my leg a few more times and every single bump my leg would jump away. I questioned her why this was happening and I suppose after years of experience she explained to me that the recoil was just an autonomic reaction imbedded in me because of the trauma I endured. This is the leg my grandfather threatened to break and restrained me through force so it made sense afterwards. It was at this point I realized the true impact of the physical and sexual abuse in my youth. I always dealt with discomfort with physical touch, but it wasn't until 2014 when I went to Jefferson state hospital that the counselor there, Mihn Wah explained to me for the first time it was because of the abuse. I didn't know it went so far as an action I can't control but in 2022 I came to that realization
YOU ARE READING
Searching for the Answer
Non-FictionThis is a compilation of stories involving childhood abuse and trauma through a first-person impactful perspective mostly chronological. It is my story and is not fabricated in any way. I am posting just to get feedback thank you.
